'I'm a new mum and I had a really bad birth experience which I haven't quite got over yet- is this normal?'

I was asked this question for a mother and baby magazine:

Yes it is completely normal.  Having a traumatic experience is not something that you can just forget or sweep under the carpet – no matter how many times people tell you that you should be grateful or happy that you have a healthy baby! No one can go back and change the events of your birth, however with time, gentle support and guidance you can change how you feel about the birth, and begin to look to a time in the future when you will no longer feel this way.

Do not feel that you have to hurry to get over it or to move on. Take your time to come to terms with the fact that your experience was not as you had hoped and that you have strong emotions that need time to heal.

Steps to help yourself.

1.      Talk about your experience with someone you trust. Find someone who will simply listen and not try to give you advice or to judge your view of what happened. 

2.      Ask your maternity unit for a full debrief of your birth experience. This will help you have a better understanding of what happened and to put things in context. Some hospitals now have post birth support groups so you can talk about what happened in a safe, supportive setting. They will also have details of counsellors for you to talk to.

3.      There are several charities and support groups such as the Birth Trauma Association which have local support groups as well as a supportive closed facebook group.

4.      Write down your birth experience as you remember it now in as much detail as you can. Then put it in a sealed envelope and post it to a made up address.  Then write down 5 - 10 good things that you remember about the birth – no matter how small for example the sun was shining, the midwife had a nice smile, and put it somewhere safe to look at when you are feeling a bit down.

5.      Seek out self help books and stories on line.  It can be comforting to read about other people’s experiences and how they got through the difficult times.

6.      Use a self hypnosis CD such as “Overcome Birth Trauma” (www.overcomebirthtrauma.co.uk) which offers you a calm, gentle voice to help you cope better, especially during difficult times. It will help you take time out to relax and allows you to gently reflect on and begin to let go of the negative feelings associated with your experience. It helps build your confidence, feelings of control and acceptance of what happened, so are able to move forward with a sense of hope that you will not always feel the way you do right now. (The CD does not require to you to relive the experience at all).

By using self-help techniques, coupled with the support of sympathetic friends and family, it is completely possible to come to terms with the difficult birth you experienced, accept the feelings associated with it and rediscover your emotional balance and wellbeing.

Using hypnosis to help overcome morning sickness

Anyone who has suffered with morning sickness will tell you how absolutely awful it can be.  It is a very odd time for women as the elation and excitement of being pregnant is often subdued by the intermittent or, often non-stop feelings of nausea, low energy, dizziness and vomiting.  There is no magic pill that will take it away and none of natural remedies are guaranteed to work.  It is something that you know you just have to put up with, in the knowledge that at some point (for most it is around 12 weeks, but for others it can continue longer) it will stop.

No one really understand what causes morning sickness, but it is believed to be triggered by a combination of hormonal, physical and emotional changes that take place when a woman becomes pregnant. 

Some say it may be nature’s way of preventing the mother from eating foods that are not helpful to her or her baby for example women completely go off things like tea, coffee, wine and, believe it or not, even chocolate! However in research studies, far more women went off foods that are recommended as being good for her baby such as fish, eggs or meat.  This is particularly interesting as in a study comparing anthropological reports of 27 societies[i], the seven societies for which morning sickness was completely unknown rarely ate animal products, relying instead on corn, rice, tubers, and other plants.

Most websites and pregnancy resources will tell you that morning sickness is considered a normal part of pregnancy quoting that up to 80% of women (in our society) will get it.  However there is considerable research, including a study that came out in Germany this month (January 2013), which has shown that psychosocial variables have a clear influence on incidents of morning sickness including levels of stress, social support and emotions relating to being pregnant.[ii] Stress in particular has been shown to increase the incidence and severity of morning sickness[iii],[iv] as an Increase in cortisol (stress hormones) leads to highs and lows of blood sugar which bring on the bouts of morning sickness.

Another theory is that it may also be nature’s way of getting a mum to slow down, to take better care of herself, and to begin her journey to becoming a mother by ensuring that she begins to be more aware of the effect her actions have on her baby.

Which ever view you hold, morning sickness is something that is very common, and in most cases is considered to be a positive element of pregnancy - statistically morning sickness reduces the likelihood of miscarriage, pre-term birth, low birth weight and perinatal death.

However, if you are suffering from morning sickness you probably do not really care what the theories are or why you have it – you probably just want ideas on how to reduce or get rid of it.

There are several natural ways to help reduce morning sickness including acupuncture, acupressure, taking ginger, peppermint, eating bland foods and grazing rather than eating big meals. Another way that has helped many women, including the Duchess of Cambridge is by using hypnotherapy.

So what is Hypnotherapy?

Hypnotherapy (ie using the state of hypnosis for a therapeutic outcome) involves listening to a therapist in person or on a CD, who will use calming, relaxing words, imagery and often music to guide you into a relaxed state. Once in this relaxed state (when you are in fact still aware of your surroundings and could, if you wanted to open your eyes and interact) you listen to specific positive suggestions to help you reframe or change the way you currently respond to things.  All things in life have a cause and an effect, for example you hear your name so you respond, you feel hungry so you eat, you stuck in traffic so you feel stressed etc. The suggestions given when you are in this relaxed state are based on the premise that you can not usually change the cause but you can change how you respond. Because the conscious part of your mind (the critical, analytical part of you) is resting, you become very open and accepting of these positive suggestions and they become a new way for you to deal with the difficulties you were facing before.

So how can hypnotherapy help a woman experiencing symptoms of morning sickness?

As already discussed, stress can play a significant part in the onset and severity of morning sickness. However, reducing stress consciously or on demand is a difficult thing to. Hypnotherapy helps you do this on several levels. Firstly the simple fact that you are taking time out (usually about 30 mins) to relax and switch off means that you are reducing the body’s levels of stress hormones, calming your thoughts and focusing on positive feelings. Secondly whilst in a deeply relaxed state you are listening to positive suggestions about releasing any tension or stress and replacing them with calmer, more positive feelings. And thirdly whilst in hypnosis you take on new ways of dealing with the stress once you are out of hypnosis and dealing with your daily life (called a post hypnotic suggestion).  By being calmer, more relaxed and less stressed the symptoms of morning sickness will reduce.

The second key factor is to help you reframe your thoughts and feelings about food and smells giving you positive suggestions to change your response such as imagining (and so having) a minty or lemony taste in your mouth which replaces the unpleasant sensations and to be attracted to foods that feel and are good for you.  According to the latest reports on the Duchess of Cambridge 'The hypnotherapy is taking away any negative thoughts connected with food from the morning sickness, and replacing them with cravings for healthy, nutritious food”.

Whilst in hypnosis you also learn an easy and quick to use technique to bring about feelings of positivity, energy, and a fresh lemony taste when you going about your daily routine. This can be a really useful tool to instantly feel better at any time of night or day.  Additional positive suggestions for overcoming morning sickness would include: better quality sleep; more comfortable digestion; more effective use of energy; feeling/being calmer when dealing with every day issues; and increasing water intake.

This form of Hypnotherapy is not just for the rich and famous, my “Overcome morning sickness” CD  (£11.99) helps pregnant women to deal with nausea and morning sickness through by listening to the cd in their own home. A survey carried out in conjunction with Pregnancy and Birth Magazine, found that 10 out of 10 mothers would recommend this CD to a friend and 9 out of 10 felt significant benefit from using it. Second  time Mum Mandy said: "After listening to your CD I stopped being sick after meals. The nausea only comes back very occasionally, and my appetite has improved almost back to normal!  I wish I'd known about it for my last pregnancy, as I suffered really badly until about 18 weeks. I'll certainly recommend the CD to my friends."

The CD is available from www.natalhypnotherapy.co.uk, www.amzon.co.uk or www.nctshop.co.uk

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[i] http://www.news.cornell.edu/releases/May00/morning.sickness.hrs.html - Morning sickness is Mother Nature's way of protecting mothers and their unborn, Cornell biologists find

[ii] http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/17905253 Relationships between nausea and vomiting, perceived stress, social support, pregnancy planning, and psychosocial adaptation in a sample of mothers: a questionnaire survey.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/23232775 Nausea and Vomiting of Pregnancy: Prevalence, Severity and Relation to Psychosocial Health

[iii] http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/17207743A comparison of different severities of nausea and vomiting during pregnancy relative to stress, social support, and maternal adaptation.

[iv] http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/14675977 Psychological health in early pregnancy: relationship with nausea and vomiting

No woman should be lonely at her birth

I received a letter today from a long lost friend. I have not seen her in years and was not really aware of her situation now. She had been in my life when I was pregnant with my 2nd and 3rd child. She was a newly trained midwife then who arranged a belly cast for my third child, had helped me at a big exhibition, had done early morning yoga with me and had offered to come to the birth if my midwife could not make it. We lost touch when she left midwifery. Her letter has really moved and touched me.

Firstly because it was a “letter” – you know, a real one that comes in the post. Secondly, because she has written it with such raw honesty. Thirdly because I realise now how incredibly fortunate I have always been to have such a great network of support around me when I was pregnant. My friend is not so lucky. She has just moved to a remote part of France and is 8 months pregnant with her second child. She has no family there, no friends, no support network, no phone, no car, no computer and she is terribly, terribly lonely. She wrote asking that I remember her for her blessing way and that if I could send a small token for her to open or receive on that day it would make her feel connected to the “wise women” she has known in her life.
As I read the letter in my small living room surrounded by my 5 noisy boys the tears began to flow down my cheeks. Slowly one by one they stopped what they were doing and asked me what the matter was. I could not get the words out to describe how sad I felt for my friend. The pain was so deep inside me – a pain that a woman can feel for another woman who has been denied the most fundamental support when she is about to bring a new life into this world. Of course she has the support of her partner, but she is missing the loving empathetic support of other women.

I can not be with her for the birth, but I can give her some of my time. With the loving support of my husband I will fly out to spend a night with her, to cook for her, to massage her, to go for a walk, to play with her daughter and to listen to her. All women need love, care and support when she comes to the end of her pregnancy so if you know anyone who is approaching that time, take an hour or 2 to spend time with her, to cook her a meal, to write her a letter, to let her know that you thinking of her. It will mean so much to her. So thank you to my sisters, my mother and my friends who did that for me. It is something I will always treasure.

Give your children a head start - word by word !

Language is one of the most powerful and influential ways to shape your child. The words we use and how we say things have an enormous influence on the way our children develop, how they behave and most importantly how they feel about themselves. 

Children will inherently do what they believe you expect them to do, as all they know about the world and how they fit in is from you. If you continually tell them they are clever, smart, funny, that they can do something, that you are proud of them - they believe this without a second thought. In the same way if a child is told they are stupid, no good, bad, naughty, trust you to do that, how can you be so silly - then they will also believe it to be true, and consequently behave accordingly. Not only does this make them feel those things, it also gradually wears away at their confidence and self esteem - the two things which hold people back more than anything else in the world. 

Children’s inherent need to be accepted by people around them, their amazing pace of development and their acceptance of things at face value means that they take everything in and are extremely suggestible. Young children do not yet have the little voice in their head that says, “what if, I must, I shouldn’t, If I do this, then this will happen etc.”, so they simply accept everything that goes on around them as they way things are - They have no other comparison.

There are two particular patterns of language which can have a major influence on your children. One is the “don’t do that, or xxx will happen” and the other is speaking about the behaviour of the child and not the identity of the child. 

The first pattern which is so common and yet can so often have the opposite effect is the use of “Do not do xxx”, especially when followed by “or yyy will happen”. Children’s minds are extremely literal and take in words at face value. Our brains are not capable of “NOT” doing something; we have to actually do it in our mind before we can think ‘not’ to do it. Let me give you an example. If someone were to say “Do not think of a Pink Elephant” what happens - You have to think of one, so as not to. Or if I say “ the cat is not chasing the dog”. The same applies. So by telling a child “do not touch that”, “don’t fall down or “don’t spill your drink”, they must get an image of touching, falling or spilling first. This has then actually given them the idea or suggestion to do exactly what you are asking them not to do. By making your suggestion in a positive way, that is by telling them what you DO want you are far more likely to have the desired effect. Such as ‘keep you glass upright, get safely down, keep your fingers away from the door’. You are both telling them that you expect them to succeed and so you are giving them an image of succeeding rather than failing. 

The second pattern has a more profound effect. So often parents tell their children off by attacking their identity - “you are a bad boy” “you are a naughty girl” “are you stupid or something?” The child takes this literally and feels that they, as a person are bad, naughty, stupid etc. when in fact it is certain behaviours that are inappropriate or wrong in a particular context (i.e. not socially acceptable). Again these feelings slowly wear down self-confidence and self esteem. Children of course need to know what is right and wrong in each circumstance such as running around a restaurant is not right but running around in the play ground is OK. It is therefore so important that you let your child know that the behaviour is inappropriate, so rather than “you really are naughty boy” say “running around in a restaurant is naughty”. Again this will make sure they know what is right and wrong without making them feel bad as a person. 

So here is your challenge. For the next week, really think about the way you speak to your child. Listen to yourself. When you catch yourself giving them negative suggestions, think of a different way of saying it to get the result you want. As you do this more and more, you find that you actually start to see their actions and behaviour in a different way. You start to see them succeed rather that visualizing them failing. The more you see them succeed... the more you find that they do. 

Babies and toddlers really are like sponges. They soak up everything that is going on around them. Their little brains are developing faster than at any other time in their lives. This is when patterns of speech and the way they think are created and set. What better gift can you give them than the power of positive thinking, self-confidence and the belief that they can achieve anything they set their heart to do. You may think that that is a bit over the top as we are only taking about babies. It is not. We are talking about creating a pattern and a way of thinking which will stay with them for the rest of their lives and the lives of their children. 

20 great facts about Oxytocin

I had a great today attending the study day by Kersten Uvnas Moberg on the Oxytocin factor. Kerstin, also known as the "mother of oxytocin" is the world's leading expert and researcher on the powerful hormone oxytocin. The day was organised by Kikki Hansard and attracted 70 doulas, midwives, hypnotherapists and other birth related professionals.

Kerstin took us through a whole host of subjects relating to oxytocin including the chemical properties, the physiologiucal fiunctions of oxytocin, the research, the impact on breastfeeding, bonding and physical well being of mother, other areas of research using the hormone including autism and substance abuse and ended with some very major questions about the challenges that we will face if birth continues to travel down the path of routine medicaisliation, increased augmentation of labour, increased Cesarean sections and decreased breastfeeding.
All in all it was a very interesting and thought provoking day. Here are the top 20 interesting facts about oxytocin which I learnt today

1. It was the first hormone to be isolated and synthesised

2. Because it is predominantly a female hormone, little research was done into its properties

3. It is a very “old” hormone in that it has been around in animals long before mammals came to be

4. Lifes reproductive system revolves around oxytocin

5. Oxytocin is a hormone but is also a neurotransmitter (ie is is produced in nerve cells all over the body)

6. Epidurals block the release of oxytocin as they block the transmission up the spinal cord

7. Oxytocin is released during breastfeeding which increases the activity in the gastrointestinal tract so making the mother use calories more efficiently

8. Oxytocin lasts in the body for about 3 mins but the effects can last upto 3 hours

9. The more oxytocin is released tn the body, the more accumulative the effect, so long term breastfeeding mothers benefit for the affects for years later!

10. Oxytocin increases the pain threshold, increases social interaction and increases curiosity

11. Oxytocin contributes to the healing of tissues!

12. Eating good food produces oxytocin

13. Men also produce and benefit from oxytocin

14. Oxytocin can lead people to being very trusting which may have some drawbacks

15. Rhythmical stroking of the skin (at about 40 beats per minute) releases oxytocion – 5 mins of stroking leads to a reduction in blood pressure for up to 3 hours

16. Oxytocin blocks out cortisol and so decreases stress and anxiety in mothers

17. Babies pummelling the breast is a vital process to release oxytocin

18. Babies who have skin to skin (ie release oxytocin in themselves) cry less

19. Oxytocin is released in pulses of about 90 seconds

20. Hugging stimulates the cells to produce oxytocin which is why hugging feels so good!


A big thanks to Kerstin, Kikki and Nicola for organising the event (and thanks for the lovely chilly con carne and wine in the evening!)

you can see a clip of Kerstin talking about Oxytocin here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WQnVlOKd9w4

Lots of wonderful women at the RCM conference

It was wonderful being at the RCM conference this week and meeting SOOOO many wonderful midwives.  In total we spoke to over 300 midwives, all of whom now have the antenatal pregnancy relaxation cd.  what was particularly nice was that almost all of them were familiar with the use of hypnosis for childbirth and at least 80% being familiar with Natal Hypnotherapy. A far cry from when we first started 11 years ago and had to explain the concepts to every single person

On the slightly negative side is the persistent misunderstanding of the fact that there are key differences between NH and HypnoBirthing.  I had many midwives initially confuse us with hypnoBirthing, often saying that they felt uncomfortable with the need to change their language, had to watch everything they said, felt nervous of doing something Wong, have a list of do's and dont's etc.  As ever I reassured them that that is not the approach that Natal Hypnotherapy takes.  I have heard this so many times from literally hundreds of midwives. I am so glad that we have developed NH alongside the Uk maternity system and work so closely with midwives.

I met lots of wonderful people using NH CDs in different ways.  One was Val Watson who uses the CDs with pregnant asylum seekers.  She mentioned several women who felt that listening to the CDs was a turning point in their pregnancy, that is was the first time they had been able to relax since coming to the UK, that they were beginning to look forward to the birth etc.  She uses the CDs with an interpreter for a few times after which they do not need one any more.

I also met the lovely Helen from Cheeky wipes who used out CDs for all 4 of her births. She has created a fantastic product - a reusable baby wipes kit - check it out at http://www.cheekywipes.com/

I had a long chat with the girls from the NCT telling me all about the babycafe initiative - a friendly, welcoming support network for breastfeeding mums - http://www.thebabycafe.org/

I had a right giggle with the girls from MIDRS I wont mention helium balloons, mannequins and glasses of wine - they will know what I am talking about!

It was great to see the team from tummytub who we exhibited with 7 years ago at the NEC - amazing how time flies. www.tummytub.co.uk

So all in all a great couple of days

Passion rekindled

Ok, it has truly been a long time since I last wrote my blog.  No excuses - just looking after five energetic boys, a growing business, keeping up with school activities, training new practitioners, releasing a new cd, breastfeeding a toddler, ironing 15 school shirts a week and getting my nails done for the first time in my life! Life is certainly full.

Last week I started training practitioners again after a three year break.  it took a considerable amount of planning and thinking, but once I was back in that room with 12 eager faces smiling and keen to learn I was back in my stride.  I thoroughly enjoyed the week and in many ways feel my passion re kindled (not that it had fizzled out - just that it was at a steady low ember like burn).  It is so exciting to have 12 passionate, enthusiastic women ready to pick up the baton and go out there to help hundreds more women have a better birth.  I know there are more and more courses available for women preparing for birth, but I truly believe that the workshops we run are so powerful, so empowering and yet so simple.  We strip away all the "noise" and just get back to basics, teaching couples simple and so easy to use techniques that really help them overcome fear and plan for a positive birth experience.

I feel that Natal Hypnotherapy is truly going from strength to strength!